In just under 4 hours, I will venture to the depths of the earth (manayunk) and fight off beasts of a primordial order (douchebags in manayunk) with nothing but the most primitive of weapons (alcohol and fists). Thats right, im going to see The Grey on opening weekend.
And much like we have never before had the chance to watch Liam Neeson fight wolves, we have never seen me successfully review a movie before watching it. I look at the Grey as the only challenge left for Liam, since hes already made every movie bad person on earth shit their pants at the thought of having to survive kidnapping his daughter or identity. I look at reviewing this movie before seeing it as a similar challenge, since im pretty much known internet wide as the asshole who gave xmen origins:wolverine a better grade than that fucking (literally) shitty indian movie. In other words, Im a genius.
And away we go!
Liam Neeson is going to have some serious shit to say. I bet hes got a very particular set of skills that allows him to accomplish what needs to be accomplished swiftly and deadly. I bet he ends up in a very bad situation with some very bad people, who might seem like him on the surface but no! he is more than those other bad people. I bet these bad people see the light. But they die anyways because they didnt see enough light. I bet Liam keeps his head on swivel fighting off these wolves. I bet Liam makes Jeremiah Johnson look like a bitch in terms of how to fight wolves properly. I bet I yell at some fucking asshole who wont shut up during the movie and make everyone im with feel uncomfortable. I bet I say I hope I watch that asshole get hit by oncoming traffic and bleed out slowly. I bet I say it loud enough for the asshole to hear me. I bet I turn around and Liam Neeson is that asshole and Im like Oh. Shit. And finally I bet I wont be around to properly review this movie after watching it.
Final Rating:
